The Continuum 2

Continuum |kənˈtinyoōəm|:
a continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other,
although the extremes are quite distinct

The reality is starting to sink into both of us. We’re actually eloping. Our lives won’t change in the slightest and here in Michigan neither will our legal status. As the definition of continuum describes, nothing will be perceptibly different, yet the extremes are becoming quite distinct.

It’s not like we’re blushing brides, far from it. I literally saw Brian across a crowded room at David Millpointer’s annual Valentine’s Night party in, ahem, 1-9-9-5! We proceeded to see each other a lot through a mutual “friend” and our first date was on March 7th. We’ve hardly been apart since. We were even certifiably committed on September 7th in 1996. The ceremony, the attendants, the cake and caterer and family, friends and champagne. We’ve lived, loved, fought, cried, and thankfully laughed a lot since that February 14th, 13½ years ago. So why are we doing this?

It started the day the California Supreme Court ruled that depriving us queers of the right to legally wed was unconstitutional. We cheered. When we heard that those defenders of the status quo immediately filed to revoke the ruling, we sighed. When we saw the lawyers and the plaintiffs that brought about the ruling in the Pride Parade in San Francisco, the importance of taking a stand at the “altar” was clarified. Then our sista Ruby Montana became a minister so she could perform marriages at her vintage motel in Palm Springs, our fate was sealed.

Still, it was a political statement and an excuse for a road trip more than anything else. We’ve described ourselves as married for a long time now. So we made our plans, mapped our trip, and ordered rings. Then the magic started to happen.

“You know,” Brian said one night, “I didn’t think this would really mean anything, but it’s starting to.” I knew exactly what he meant. “Now when I call you ‘my husband’” he continued, “you’ll really be my husband.” After the September midnight ceremony, at least.

I’ve realized that for a long time now I’ve thought that day would never come. I would never really get married, that was something I wasn’t allowed to do. Marriage was a right that was denied us and I was used to that. You kick someone down long enough, they don’t even think of trying to stand up.

Getting married would be a dream come true, but I never thought to dream that I could get legally hitched to Brian in the U.S.of A. So the realization wasn’t a moment of sudden clarity, I didn’t see a flash of light, but I am starting to comprehend that we are getting wed, for real. We’ll even have a MARRIAGE certificate, from the state of California. Of course, we know come November it may not be worth anything, but for awhile anyway, in that state and in New York and Massachusetts, we’ll be man and man.

There was a piece in Sunday’s New York Times written by Bob Morris. If you'd like to read it click on the title “We’ll Marry Each Other as Often as Needed”. It describes the writer’s marriage in Los Angeles. Like ours, the whole thing started off as a way of affirming love and then developed into something more intense. Like ours, their legal wedding may be outlawed by voters in November. But like us, the happy newlywed New Yorkers will just keep going back to the legal system until it sticks. “‘. . . if the laws change, we’ll keep getting married wherever we have to until we’re absolutely married for good.’”

When we return to our ol’ homestead, life will go on, just the same. Somehow I get the feeling though, our lives will have been transformed entirely and quite distinctly.

Maybe, just maybe, the times they ARE a changing.

- - David

Want a blast from the past? Take a peek at our Wedding Album

Wedding ring photo by Jeff Belmonte posted on flickr