October 2008, Just visitingBrian has been in San Francisco all week, I’ve been living alone (with the grrls) knowing that IF something goes wrong, well, I’m on my own. I keep my cell phone in my pocket. There’s only so much Lucy can do. She’s limited. Sitting on me can only help SO much. Don’t get me wrong, even if I die tonight, I am only grateful. Shoot, B took me to Hawaii! I saw Obama inaugurated. Karen asked me what my third wish was . . .
When I was in the hospital, even though everyone was very kind. I felt imprisoned. Now I just feel alone. These little feelings of numb dizziness come and go, but when they start I get a little freaked, thinking this is IT. Then they go away and I can pretend I am normal. I’ve been doing THAT pretending since before puberty, so I am well practiced, an expert. This time I even have a sticker for the cars and a cane when I need it. But this time, like at the beginning, I am alone. If I talk about it I scare people. So I don’t. Brian and Karen and YOU are scared enough already. Shut up!
I just want the 20 more years the statisticians quoted me. I want to chase Lucy around the yard, to garden, to laugh like I used to, to stop crying like a baby but I’ll take a dizzy less day. Heck, I’ll take the day.
So, I have two months and 2 days more to get “normal”. Some people think 6 months will be as good as it gets. Some feel a year long recovery is possible. Me? I am going for the long shot.
Wouldn’t you?
1 comment:
As I was reading this, when I got to the part where you think this might be it, I suddenly had a vision of you as Fred Sanford, "I'M COMIN' ELIZABETH!" It made me chuckle. A lot of things that go on in my head are like that. :) I hope that picture gives you a chuckle too
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