Ding Dong: the bells chimed at midnight

If you wish you were here last night . . .
If you were wondering what was said . . .
Now at least you'll have the script:

(MINISTER Ruby):
We are here to join together these two in matrimony, which is honorable among all people; and is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this estate these two now come to be joined.

Marriage is a union in heart, body and mind. It is intended for their mutual joy – and for help and comfort given in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly – it is a means through which a stable and loving and legally stable environment may be attained.



Through marriage, David and Brian make a commitment together to face disappointments – embrace dreams – realize hopes – and accept failures. Brian and David will promise one another to aspire to these ideals through mutual understanding and openness – and sensitivity to each other.


A marriage stands for love, loyalty, honesty and trust, but most of all for friendship. Marriage is an act of faith and a personal commitment as well as a moral commitment that requires and deserves daily attention. Marriage should be a life long consecration of the ideal of loving kindness – backed with the will to make it last.



Love One Another, verse by Kahlil Gibran,

Love one another, but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping;
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow


The vows


Do you Brian take David be your lawful wedded
husband? Brian responds, "I do.”

Will you love, respect and honor him throughout your years together? Brian responds, "I will."

Do you David take Brian to be your lawful wedded
husband? David responds, "I do.”

Will you love, respect and honor him throughout your years together? David responds, "I will."

Brian, Repeat after me:

I take you David
to be my lawful husband,
to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health
for as long as we both shall live.

David, Repeat after me:

I take you Brian
to be my lawful husband,
to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health
for as long as we both shall live.


The Rings

Would you place the rings in my hand?

May these rings be blessed as the symbol of this unity, these two lives joined in one unbroken circle. Wherever they go – may they always return to one another. May these two find in each other the love for which all men and all women yearn. May they grow in understanding and in compassion. May the home they establish be a place that all will find a friend.

May these rings forever symbolize the spirit of love in their hearts.


(Handing ring to Brian)

(MINISTER RUBY)
Brian, place the ring on David’s finger and repeat after me:

“David, I give you this ring
as the pledge of my love
and as the symbol of our unity
and with this ring, I thee wed.”

(Handing ring to David)



(MINISTER RUBY) David, place the ring on Brian’s finger and repeat after me:

“Brian, I give you this ring
as the pledge of my love
and as the symbol of our unity
and with this ring, I thee wed.



Pronouncement

An Apache prayer expresses our parting hope:

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you.
Now you are two bodies, but there is only one life before you.

Go now to your home,
To enter into the days of your life together,
And may your days be good and long upon the earth

(MINISTER RUBY):

May you always share with each other the gifts of love, generosity and kindness.


As David and Brian have consented together in marriage before this company of friends and family, have pledged their love – and declared their unity by giving and receiving a ring – are now joined.

You have taken vows of marriage, but remember to always be each other’s friend.



And so, by the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you married.


–
Congratulations.




PHOTOS COMING SOON.
Just waiting for the bidding war between The National Enquirer and People to end.

It's a fine day for a PINK wedding

The witness, a groom and the minister departing for dinner with Judy and Len

Yesterday started to feel almost traditional, ALMOST!

Brian made us a poolside breakfast then Ruby took me for a morning of pampering, a pedi, a mani, and an ATM.

While Brian was having his turn at pampering, I helped Ruby a little prepping the rooms for the arriving guests. The rooms here are works of art, so it felt more curatorial than custodial. I was honored.

While Ruby enlisted the fabulous doggie-sitter/architect Diane to watch the little ones, Len and Judy, Brian's step-dad and lovely mom, took us all to Davey's Hideaway, a classic Palm Springs place with tinkling piano, pink lights, fabulous art and mighty fine food. Judy called it a rehearsal dinner, Rebecca thought a Wing-It Feast was a more appropriate title.

Driving back, under a star speckled dessert sky, top down in Ruby's VW Bug, Dinah, I couldn't help feeling like one very lucky man.

Love is all around and I am smack in the middle of it.


- - - David

Rebecca "Peaches" Chekouras, flew from San Francisco and into the pool.
She was drafted to be a star witness in tonight's legal proceedings.

From the YOU REALLY REALLY Shouldn't have department.






Floral Love from Calyn, our historical witness in Seattle, 12 years ago.




A Box of Good Luck from Ginny and Trish:
Something borrowed, Something Blue, Something Old, Something New, and a Piece of Sixpence for my shoe.

Waiting

It's hot here, 107 degrees, is that why Brian is breaking into a sweat? Or is it the community property laws here in California?

We got to the County Offices in Indio and were greeted by the receptionist with a calm business like attitude, as if boyz had been walking up and asking for marriage licenses for years. That was nice.

We waited for an hour and our ticket number finally popped up on the screen. The county clerk was all business but with a smile. We raised our right hands and swore that our information was accurate. Brian said "yes", I said "I do".

I thought it was good practice.

- - - David

100 Degrees of Anticipation

Lucy lifeguards a weary traveler soaking in the pool at the Coral Sands

TA DA! 2500 miles, 6 days of roadside attractions and a few too many replays of "(Get Your Kicks) on Route 66", our travelers have made it to Palm Springs and the magical motelier known as Ruby Montana.

At 5:00 on Wednesday, just in time for cocktails, we pulled up to the Bouganvilla draped gates of our favorite inn in the world. Ruby and the diminutive pup, Lola, were waiting for us with cold ones and a warm welcome. It's so nice to be home.

Today we're off to Indio, the county clerks office, to fill out paperwork for the marriage license. I almost can't believe it, his is really happening, Ruby is brushing off her reverend robes and the rings are in the motel safe.

This is going to be fun.

Isn't it?

- - - David

5 days down, 1 to go

Brian's virgin trip to the Grand Canyon 

That's what we call a bachelor party

Since you've last heard from us in Tucumcari, we've done the spur to Santa Fe, the Mother Road through Albuquerque, seen ruins of rock houses in Mesita and the red rock cliffs that made me cry outside Galllup.

We've had amazing Mexican food for breakfast in Gallup and drove to Arizona for lunch at Joe & Aggie's in Holbrook AZ.

Then it was Flagstaff, a little "spur" to the Grand Canyon where, I at least, saw God.
A zip down to vintage Route 66 Williams, AZ and on through an incredible mountain sunset to Seligman, AZ where we rest tonight at the Deluxe Inn Motel in Seligman, AZ on Route 66, of course.

Tomorrow, it's a heavily anticipated final part (for us) of the Route, and down into Palm Springs and Ruby Montana's Coral Sands. Brian is tempted to get on the interstate,"'for expediency", but he realizes he must stick to the Route 66 plan.

We're all a little weary, but determined. Tomorrow eve we'll be ready for some pool time and a cocktail. Maybe then we'll be ready to plan the wedding.


- - - David

Lucy, dog tired but not about to lay down

It's a Long Way to Tucumcari

So far everything has gone as planned, just a little slower.

We joined up with Route 66 outside St. Louis, not inside, due to road construction all around the city. Not a perfect start, but who are we to complain. The road was thin and curvy and just right. We made it to Cuba, Missouri the first night.

We followed Route 66 through Missouri, into Kansas and then Oklahoma. We got into Oklahoma City after getting a bit lost, but finding our way to the Oklahoma City National Memorial, (the site of the 1995 bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building). It was sunset and thunder was sounding in the background, as we got teary eyed, the rain began. By the time we got to the car it was a torrential down pour. We got lost in a dark deserted unfamiliar city. But we made it the 30 miles out of the city and into El Reno. A miracle, you decide.

Today we drove throught western Oklahoma, the Texas panhandle and into New Mexico. Moat of the ride is on vintage, bumpy, deserted Route 66. We made it to the Safari Motel in Tucumcari before dark.

The trip has been wonderful, but I am too exhausted to give the stories justice. AND Brian is waiting to go to the Pow Wow Lizard Lounge for dinner. And I would enjoy a cold drink.

I promise to write more later, whether you want me to or not.

- - - David

Stay Tuned for Route 66 Updates

We will be attempting to post from the Road, so check back.
OR sign up for email updates, you can always cancel it later.

- - - David

The Best Laid plan of Dogs and Men

There’s a lot of driving ahead, and we WILL be traveling with two Weimaraners.
So why am I getting so excited?
This is the road we’ll be on Wednesday morning.

It’s taken a lot of online searching and a few phone calls, but our plans are laid. We’re leaving on Friday morning and we hope to pull into the Coral Sands on Wednesday evening, just in time for cocktail hour by the pool.

If you want to follow us on GoogleEarth here are our “plans”.

Friday, August 29th.

Adrian to Fort Wayne IN to Indianapolis to Terra Haute to St Louis MO where we pick up Route 66 to Cuba Mo.

estimated time on the road: 9 hours plus

Saturday, August 30th

Cuba to Springfield MO through a little corner of Kansas to Tulsa OK to Oklahoma City and the National Memorial to El Reno, birthplace of Ruby Montana

estimated time on the road: 9 hours plus

Sunday, August 31st

El Reno to Ek City OK to Amarillo TX to Tucumcari, NM and the Motel Safari

estimated time on the road: 7 hours plus

Monday, September 1st

Tucumari to Santa Rosa to Santa Fe to Albuguerque to Grants to Gallup NM

estimated drive time: 7 hours plus (with a possible excursion to Taos not included)

Tuesday, September 2nd

Gallup to Flagstaff to Valle to the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon to Williams to Seligman and the Deluxe Inn Motel

estimated drive time: 6 hours plus (with a possible 60 mile scenic drive around the Grand Canyon not included)

Wednesday, September 3rd

Seligman up to Peach Springs to Kingman to Oatman (see top photo) to Topock to Needles CA to Arrowhead Junction to Amboy (where we leave Route 66) to Twentynine Palms to Yucca Valley to Palm Springs and Ruby Montana’s Coral Sands Inn, just in time for cocktail hour.

estimated drive time: 7 hours plus, stops for awe not included.

Well, that’s the plan anyway.

I hope to be posting photos on the blogger site from the road, web access permitting. And I need to tell you about our plans for the road back home.

- - - David

The Continuum 2

Continuum |kənˈtinyoōəm|:
a continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other,
although the extremes are quite distinct

The reality is starting to sink into both of us. We’re actually eloping. Our lives won’t change in the slightest and here in Michigan neither will our legal status. As the definition of continuum describes, nothing will be perceptibly different, yet the extremes are becoming quite distinct.

It’s not like we’re blushing brides, far from it. I literally saw Brian across a crowded room at David Millpointer’s annual Valentine’s Night party in, ahem, 1-9-9-5! We proceeded to see each other a lot through a mutual “friend” and our first date was on March 7th. We’ve hardly been apart since. We were even certifiably committed on September 7th in 1996. The ceremony, the attendants, the cake and caterer and family, friends and champagne. We’ve lived, loved, fought, cried, and thankfully laughed a lot since that February 14th, 13½ years ago. So why are we doing this?

It started the day the California Supreme Court ruled that depriving us queers of the right to legally wed was unconstitutional. We cheered. When we heard that those defenders of the status quo immediately filed to revoke the ruling, we sighed. When we saw the lawyers and the plaintiffs that brought about the ruling in the Pride Parade in San Francisco, the importance of taking a stand at the “altar” was clarified. Then our sista Ruby Montana became a minister so she could perform marriages at her vintage motel in Palm Springs, our fate was sealed.

Still, it was a political statement and an excuse for a road trip more than anything else. We’ve described ourselves as married for a long time now. So we made our plans, mapped our trip, and ordered rings. Then the magic started to happen.

“You know,” Brian said one night, “I didn’t think this would really mean anything, but it’s starting to.” I knew exactly what he meant. “Now when I call you ‘my husband’” he continued, “you’ll really be my husband.” After the September midnight ceremony, at least.

I’ve realized that for a long time now I’ve thought that day would never come. I would never really get married, that was something I wasn’t allowed to do. Marriage was a right that was denied us and I was used to that. You kick someone down long enough, they don’t even think of trying to stand up.

Getting married would be a dream come true, but I never thought to dream that I could get legally hitched to Brian in the U.S.of A. So the realization wasn’t a moment of sudden clarity, I didn’t see a flash of light, but I am starting to comprehend that we are getting wed, for real. We’ll even have a MARRIAGE certificate, from the state of California. Of course, we know come November it may not be worth anything, but for awhile anyway, in that state and in New York and Massachusetts, we’ll be man and man.

There was a piece in Sunday’s New York Times written by Bob Morris. If you'd like to read it click on the title “We’ll Marry Each Other as Often as Needed”. It describes the writer’s marriage in Los Angeles. Like ours, the whole thing started off as a way of affirming love and then developed into something more intense. Like ours, their legal wedding may be outlawed by voters in November. But like us, the happy newlywed New Yorkers will just keep going back to the legal system until it sticks. “‘. . . if the laws change, we’ll keep getting married wherever we have to until we’re absolutely married for good.’”

When we return to our ol’ homestead, life will go on, just the same. Somehow I get the feeling though, our lives will have been transformed entirely and quite distinctly.

Maybe, just maybe, the times they ARE a changing.

- - David

Want a blast from the past? Take a peek at our Wedding Album

Wedding ring photo by Jeff Belmonte posted on flickr

The Continuum

Continuum |kənˈtinyoōəm|:
a continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other,
although the extremes are quite distinct

Ann Arbor is surreal enough, the place I left home for at 17 and the town I returned to in 2000 after lifetimes in New York and then Seattle, now Jason is entering the picture.

Our nephew, the sole male heir to the Staskowski fortune, (if there was one and we were bound by the law of patrimony), will be starting his freshman year at the University of Michigan next week. My little sister’s eldest child has somehow attained the age of identity.

We’ve watched him grow from a smiley-faced newborn, to a rapt faced video gaming toddler, then a well padded seemingly invulnerable grade school hockey fanatic. I admit I was comfortable with his role as an adolescent. I knew what part to play in those scenes. I was the traveling uncle, in town for most major events; here for doling out accolades, for gentle teasing, and stalwart support. I knew how to be fun and funny. Now Jay is in the spotlight of the “Who am I” stage of his identity development, and I don’t know my lines.

But we do what we can.

Sunday the uncles joined Jay, Steve and Karen, (the parental units), and Ali (the High School Senior sister) on a self guided exploration of the campus. There was the familiar, the Bell Tower, the Diag with the don’t tread on me ‛M‛, the kiss-the-coed Arch, the ginormou-dorms. But mostly there was change. The buildings tend to have different names, so we were little help in finding class rooms, but luckily the parents had brought maps and schedules so we were able to complete the tour.

North Campus, where our budding engineer will be based, is a fantasy of new construction with only the Architecture & Design school, the Music school and Bursley dorm looking at all familiar. I had the strange sensation of coming home to a place where the new owners had changed everything. I knew where I was, but I didn’t know it at all.

We all wanted to see Jason’s dorm so we snuck into Bursley, (if a loud group of four adults and two teenagers can actually sneak). We walked the hallways and entered the rooms. The place was empty and eerily still, that strange quiet a building that will soon be a symphony of chaos radiates. The old ones were just as silent, the future was looking right at us and we knew it. I wondered if Jason was feeling anything close to what I was. I didn’t ask, I wish I had.

I do remember the feeling of my new dorm on move-in day. It was a little scary, like a roller coaster ride before it starts to move. I was about to meet my roommate, from faraway Brooklyn, a complete stranger. I was about to leave behind everything I knew for a world I only knew from orientation. I was young, but I felt very grown up. I was excited about what was to come, but I didn’t know if I was ready. I also remember the feeling I had on move-out day, 8 months later. It was as if years had passed. The people I met, the world I had seen, the lessons I learned, it couldn’t have all taken place in that small amount of time.

I want to tell my nephew that college was harder than I expected but easier too. There’s a lot of hard work and there’s a lot of easy joy. I want to guide him and prod him, to ease the way and tell him to have fun. But that’s not my role any more, he’s about to learn all of that for himself.

I can let him know that years later, I still see the friends I made that year. Even now I remember some of the lessons. I am very grown up, but I feel young. I don’t know if I’m ready, but I am still excited about what’s to come.

I think I remember what was going through my mind when I first walked onto campus as a freshman. But now, I know what must have been going through my parents’ minds. I can tell you which is more unnerving.

-- - David